Dear Aunty Aurora, I’ve been having amazing sex at work with my married lover and he promised me he would leave his wife. But now he says he cannot leave his kids.
I am 32, mum to two girls aged five and four. My husband and I moved to a new house last year and agreed I should return to work to boost our income.
At a job interview I was introduced to the line manager and there was an instant spark. He’s 34. I took the job and from day one he was very flirty with me over texts and emails. We started stealing kisses at work and then he offered to start running me home.
One day we were the only ones left in the office and we had sex for the first time. After that we couldn’t keep our hands off one another. Things with my husband were not good and I decided I’d had enough when he hit me.
We broke up and, at first, I went to my parents’ place but my husband allowed me back after family intervention.
My lover said he wanted us to be together and we planned where we would live. He was going to tell his wife but then he got cold feet. He said she found one of my messages and went ballistic.
I love him as much as ever but he’s stopped our affair and I am heartbroken. I have no one I can tell as everyone would judge me. My kids are my only pleasure. I know my lover still wants me. I can feel his eyes on me all the time and what’s really sad is that I would gladly waste my years waiting for us to be together. Thank you. Yetunde, Victoria Island, Lagos.
Dear Yetunde, There has been a whole lot of change in your life lately. A new home, a new job, a new identity as a working mum. And it coincided with problems in your marriage. You were vulnerable to someone taking an interest in you as a woman, and your line manager coming on to you bolstered your ego. But it is always risky blurring the boundaries of work and personal life. When fantasy turned into reality, he made the choice to stay with his wife.
Do not be tempted to fall for his charms again. He has nothing to offer you but heartache. The solutions for you lie in sorting out your relationship with your husband or negotiating a good ending for you and the children. Violence is not OK. If it was a one-off, you may still be able to salvage your marriage but only if you get help to tackle the underlying issues.
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