Dear Aunty Aurora,
I am a 28-year-old lady and I have been married for two years but I am getting fed-up with my husband and his incessant need to control everything. I mean, he treats me like a child. To him, there is nothing I can ever do right. He tries to correct everything I do and I must confess, it is draining and very frustrating. He does it every where even in church. Service could be going on and I will here my husband telling me to ” Sit up. You are slouching”. Even at home he always has something to complain about.
Its either the food is not cooked or overcooked, salty or not well-salted, I can’t recall any time he has ever complimented my effort over anything. The worst part is that he does the same thing even in bed; he is either complaining that I am not touching him somewhere or I am not responding well. Please how will I respond well when my mind is busy trying to figure out what I can do to satisfy him? I am seriously contemplating a divorce because despite the fact that I bend over backwards to please him out of love, he never sees good in anything I do. Is there anyway I can still make this work?
Being in a relationship with a person with a controlling attitude is one of the toughest things anyone could ever do. This is because a controller will always want to have their way irrespective of contrary opinions. People with such personalities make awesome group-heads and leaders in organisations because they usually get what they set out to achieve but working with them in a marriage requires a little more tact. First of all you should know that you will never win an argument with a controlling person because they won’t agree that they are wrong. Secondly life with a controller is usually one where their partner is forever arguing with them and full of resentment or a submissive trying to avoid conflicts by just playing along.
Neither of this two options ever works so, I’ll show you another way to get your own say too without feeling controlled by your husband. First of all understand that you can’t change anyone but you can change yourself. Work on your self-confidence first. Although your husband is obviously controlling, there might be a little good to be seen in this situation. When your husband makes a comment about you doing something wrong, be confident enough to tell him you did it the right way; if you did it the right way. Standing up for yourself does no require arguments, you only need to work on being sure of yourself. Where you need to work on yourself do it as well. Marriage is mostly about concession and I am not promising you will get your way every time either. Also remember that your husband most likely loves you and believes he is helping you to be a better person by complaining. What you need to do is tell him his ‘help’ is having an opposite effect on you. This will help him put things in perspective and you will both be happier for it. I wish you all the best.
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