Dear Aunty Aurora,
My husband and I have been together for four years. During this time, things started out hot and heavy (literally sex almost every night), and of course over time that has diminished, but recently it’s gotten to once a week or every other week.
We’ve talked about it, and he states that I’m not willing to try new things – which drives me crazy, because the only reason he says this is because I will not do anything that involves ass play.
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I do not like anal, having a finger in my ass, or having it licked. He has known this from the beginning; I was very open to him when we became sexual that this would never happen. He used to bring it up all the time and say that oh one day he will get it and never say never, but each and every time he gets the same response: No, it’s not going to happen, and I would appreciate if you would stop bringing it up.
It’s not like I’m unwilling to do other things: I love it when he pulls my hair and lightly chokes me, we don’t always have sex in the same position, and we’ve tried toys (just wasn’t our thing).
And I love to give him blow jobs pretty much whenever he wants one, so why is it that he considers me to be unwilling to try new things? And why is he so hung up anal sex to the point that I feel he doesn’t respect my decisions about what I will do with my body during sex? Please help! I don’t know what to say to get through to him and get our sex life back on track. Janet, Lekki-Lagos.
“Why is he so hung up anal sex to the point that I feel he doesn’t respect my decisions about what I will do with my body during sex.” I don’t know why your husband is so hung up on anal. He might have a fetish, it might be a power thing, or he might be fixated because he’s never experienced it. Who knows? I do know that feeling like your decisions about your body aren’t respected is a big warning sign.
The next time he tells you that you aren’t willing to try new things, ask him what aside from anal he wants to try. Be ready with some suggestions of your own. Light spanking might give him some up close and personal time with your ass – without touching the hole- and could be a sensation you find enjoyable. Dominating him sounds like it’d be new for you two. You’ve got options.
If he continues to focus on anal, and especially continues to disregard your stated boundaries, it might be time to move on.
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