Aunty Aurora: I Am In A Battle With His Job And The Job Is Winning

Dear Aunty Aurora,
I got married to my husband 5 months back after we dating him since my last year in college since 2014. He is the most fun guy ever created oaths planet. We literally laugh together for hours without ending whenever we are together. Newly-wedded couples are usually notorious for disturbing their neighbours with lovemaking noises but for us, it has always been our laughter disturbing the peace. Even close friends have nicknamed us “The Hyenas”.
But unfortunately, those periods are gradually getting few and far in-between. He started a new job in February 2017 but that might as well be the date he started having an affair. Because from his first day at the job, he seems to have his mind preoccupied with something else part from me. He keeps assuring me that things would get better, that I still remain his number priority, that it was not all his fault but I am gradually sinking deeper into depression as I embrace the reality that this would be my new life. I have tried different tactics of getting more of his attention but after I sent him a nude photo of myself this morning via WhatsApp and he only replied with “I am busy now….L8r”, I now it’s time to send out an SOS. That was 8 hours ago and his “l8r” has not yet arrived. Help me Aunty Aurora! Am I overreacting?
From Simisola Badmus
Dear Simisola,
If only I had a penny for every time that a man abandoned his wife for his job! Let me explain men’s psyche for you in a nutshell. When a man is looking to marry, he is like a hunter on a mission. He finds the right target that suits him and lures the “prey” with every tactic he knows for as long as he can. A man will never talk over the phone for hours with a lady unless he is on an agenda. He buys flowers, watch chic flicks in a cinema with his girl, think up new places to travel to each weekend, plan dinner dates and surprise nights – all during the wooing stage. But once he puts a ring on it, it’s like a checklist has been crossed off his to-do list. He moves on to the next phase which is providing and supporting his new family.I believe your husband is now in the second phase, working hard to be able to provide for you. The problem is that he probably does not even realise he is doing these things, rather he politely tries to tell you that you are overreacting. The only solution is not getting busy with your own life and ignoring as this would have a toxic effect on your relationship. Rather keeping sending him those nudes, cook him his favourite meals, let him open to you about the challenges he is facing at work and continue to remain relevant and current in his life. He is not coming back to the life you both once had but you can go and meet him. Your relationship dynamics have already changed but it’s not all bad news. If you meet him at where he is at, you would learn to fall in love with this new man your husband has become.Photo Credit: Getty

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