Dear Aunty Aurora, I’ve just had sex with a guy while working away from Lagos – but I’m about to get married to the girl of my dreams. I’m 32 and my fiancee is 28. We have been together for three years and engaged for eight months. I love her deeply. Last year I got a promotion at work which means I work around the country and West Africa. The other night I was in a bar in a hotel in Abuja and I got talking to this guy. He was 30 and we had quite a lot in common, because we are both into sport. As the bar was closing he invited me to his room for a night cap on room service. Before long we were kissing and ended up having awesome sex. We spent the rest of the night together and had breakfast in his room the next morning. We met up another couple of times while I was there.
The problem is this isn’t the first time I have had a fling with a guy while working away. I feel so guilty but I can’t seem to help myself. I think deep down I know I have been bisexual since I was in my teens but I never did anything about it. The opportunities didn’t really arise for me to be with men until I worked away from home. I guess at home I was worried I’d get caught. I tend to like being just with men when I am on my own. It gives me comfort. But hiding the truth about what I am doing from my fiancee is killing me. I feel totally straight when I am back home with her. I don’t even think about being with a guy. I can’t help wondering, though, whether I am getting married to hide my true sexuality. I am finding it more difficult as each day passes. I am getting married soon and this thought is stressing me out. Olumide, Ikoyi-Lagos.
Dear Olumide: Almost all of us are capable of feeling attracted to our own sex at some time. The important question is what we do about it.Homosexuality is a crime in our country, but whether straight, gay or bisexual, you’re cheating on your fiancee. If you are so successfully having sex with lots of different men, I wonder whether your love for your fiancee really is sexual, or more like a deep bond such as siblings might share. Getting married is an important life decision – and will affect many lives apart from your own. Stop all the casual sex and get down to some serious thinking, preferably with counselling help to be sure you understand the underlying issues. Can you really see yourself being married? Going on as you are is going to lead to disaster – and you will be made unhappy as well as your wife.
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