Dear Aunty Aurora,
My boyfriend and I started dating about three years ago, when we worked together.
We were in our late 20s – and were both with different people at the time.
I had been married for just under two years, and he was living with a long-term girlfriend. Despite this, we fell for each other hard, had an affair, and both left our partners. It caused a lot of upset.
My family absolutely loved my husband, so they were disappointed in me. And a few people at work who knew our partners judged us quite harshly.
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However, three years later we’re still together and very happy. However, we both work for different companies now and I’ve found myself becoming a bit suspicious and jealous lately for no real reason in particular.
Whenever he phones to say he’s going for drinks with workmates, I can’t help thinking back to the times we went for drinks after work, just the two of us, in the early days of our affair. Am I being silly? Thanks Adaora, Lagos.
No, you’re just being human. At the end of the day, this is the risk you take when you end up with somebody who you’ve been having an affair with.
Of course you’re going to think back to all those times you were both sneaking around behind your ex-husband’s and his ex-girlfriend’s back. You’ll be left wondering, if that’s what he did with me, will he do it again?
But all you can do going forward is trust him, otherwise the relationship will certainly never work. After all, perhaps they are purely work drinks with work colleagues, and nothing more.
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But be honest with him and tell him this is how you have been feeling.
Ask him: “This is what we did, will it happen again?”
You never know, he might be thinking the same thing every time you go out with friends for drinks.
This is the problem with your type of start: you have to trust somebody who you watched cheating on someone else.
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