Navigating the choppy waters of dating is tough.
It’s even harder when you encounter other ships, intent on crashing into you.
But how can you identify the bad ones before they make you sink?
The key is knowing the red flags and spotting them early, before they can cause any genuine damage.
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Then, of course, you need to actually take those bad signs seriously. Once you see them, get out of there. Don’t wait around and hope for the best.
When you’re out dating, what red flags should you be looking out for?
Here are the warning signs that shouldn’t be ignored.
Jealousy: If the person you’re seeing is showing signs of jealousy and possessiveness, get out of there.
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Love bombing: They’re showering you with affection, immediately saying they adore you, and sending you gifts every other day. That must be a good thing, right?
While it’s healthy to have a ‘honeymoon phase’ and experience that rush of crushing on someone hard, if things are happening too quickly and intensely, this can be a precursor to bad behaviour.
Love bombing is a term used in psychology to describe a manipulation tactic whereby a new partner treats the victim with excessive warmth and affection. The mechanics of love bombing usually involve deceit and dishonesty to win that person’s trust and have control over them.
If your date or partner is giving you an exaggerated amount of praise and adoration that feels unnatural- it probably is! Be on the lookout for if they are treating you kindly only when they want to gain something from you. In the early stages of a relationship, take things slowly and allow trust to build.
A superiority complex: Confidence is good. Arrogance is not. A superiority complex is a delusion of personal superiority or divine mandate A person suffering from this delusion will show arrogant, haughty, disdainful, or patronising behaviour.
If your date or partner makes you feel stupid or belittles you for your interests, this should be a major red flag.
Superiority complexes are common in narcissists who have an excessive interest in or admiration of themselves. They find this self-image of themselves to be of utmost importance and anything that might destroy it must be filtered out, which is why they might be putting you down.
Secrecy: Is your date engaging in stashing?
If they’re keeping you a secret, there’s a reason – and it’s unlikely to be a good one.
Unfaithfulness: Someone who has cheated before isn’t guaranteed to cheat again, but previous infidelity will sow seeds of doubt in your mind.
Be cautious and if your gut feeling is that they’re not trustworthy, pay attention to that.
Incompatible sex drives – and the way they navigate them: It’s unlikely that you’ll have the exact same sex drives, but wildly different libidos can cause issues down the line.
More important, though, is how your partner deals with this issue.
Are they going to be cruel or passive aggressive when you’re not in the mood? Will they keep score of who initiates? Are they rubbish at communicating about sex?
Bear all these things in mind and consider whether the two of you are plain old incompatible when it comes to sex.
Zero work ethic: Everyone moves at a different pace in life, and we are all on our personal timelines. However, attitude makes all the difference so if a person is exhibiting zero work ethic, drive or motivation to pursue what they want to do, this can be incredibly unattractive.
Decipher whether they are behind because are having a justifiable personal setback, or whether it is part of their personality to expect you to make big sacrifices to accommodate their lifestyle habits.
If it is the latter, then consider this a red flag and decide whether you want to be totally responsible for another person’s reality.
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