Dear Aunty Aurora,
I am 29 and have been married for four years. We have two children. My husband is 32 and says he cannot go a day without sex. He wants sex every day and when I complain or tell him I don’t feel like it, he starts acting up and quarreling me. For him, it does not matter what time of the month it is or how tired I am. Yes, he forces me into it even when I am on my days. I don’t like sex as much as he does and this has become a problem in our relationship. I am not sure if I want to stay married to him as I just cannot cope with this no matter how hard I try. Please advise me. Amaka, Badagry-Lagos.
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A quick look at your problem puts it at a sex addict against a sex phobic. However, come to think of these. First, you have been married for four years and you even have two children. Secondly, the problem is not the ‘of late’ type meaning you have sustained this demand for four years, albeit obediently. Thirdly, you have no problem with quality, it is a case of supply being higher than demand; a supply which you have put up with for long. Your problem is more psychological than physical.
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You have convinced yourself that your husband is bullying you and you get into bed with that in mind. It is possible you fail to satisfy each other in bed therefore the frequency has to be high to bridge the gap. In this your husband will imagine you get sex from outside, the reason you don’t seem to bother with his. You equally see your husband bullying you with his demands; the problem thus begins. Therefore set yourself free for a real experience and let your husband leave the bed satisfied and it will be sparse but quality. The sooner you did this the better since should he ‘discover’ new horizons.
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