Dear Aunty Aurora, For about a year now, my husband has been distant and cold to me. He started by refusing to eat my food and even stopped making love to me which is very strange of him. Sometime ago, I was shocked to find a condom wrapper in our bedroom and when I asked him, he denied knowing anything to do with it – he had no idea how it got right under our bed. Now I think the housemaid is pregnant although she does not accept it when I ask. Coincidentally, my neighbor once warned that there seemed to be something going on between them but I dismissed her since she is the queen of gossip and knows everything about everyone.
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However, I now suspect the pregnancy is his and have no idea what to do, more so because I don’t want anyone to know about this. Even if the child belongs to him, I would want her to go home quietly and leave my family in peace. Please tell me what to do. He is really not the man I married. Tolani, Ikororu – Lagos.
There are several things playing out here; one, is that something seems to have drastically changed in your marriage; two, at some point you suspected he was having an affair; three, a third party once warned you about the possibility of an illicit relationship between him and your house help and four, even when confronted with some evidence, you are still not convinced about this.
The fact that you found a condom wrapper in your bedroom should not have provoked many questions but provided concrete indications that something is going on. The question would therefore have been “with whom is this happening”? Now, there is no way a man can in his right mind bring a woman to his home what is under the 24 hour watch of the house help.
There is also another general principle that in every rumour, there is some degree of truth in it. If the gossip queen told you that there are rumors that something is going on – there is definitely some degree of truth in this and this degree sometimes goes up to 100 per cent. The current indications point to the fact that there is an affair and that it more certainly than not between those two.
You are in denial about this and this is what has prevented you from seeing things as they are. Now you are confronted with a potent situation. She may indeed be pregnant with his child. This is a situation that has the potential to change and ruin your marriage from now henceforth. All this depends on how you handle it.
First, you need to confront him with the facts and hear his side. Remember you have substantial evidence but it is good to hear his side and he may just come around. If he does – any man who can see the possible outcomes would, you need to help him to deal with this in the most suitable manner. A key fact in this situation is that she has to go.
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However, the mode of her leaving ought to be carefully thought out to ensure that she does not come back to revenge thereby making an already bad situation even worse. If he could get her to go home first, you can think of the many ways to handle the situation from there. What is clear here is that the situation cannot be dealt with both of them leaving in your house and under your watch.
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