Dear Aunty Aurora,
I’ve been seeing a married man and we’ve had the best sex. He says he does not want to have kids and that makes me sad – as I’m now pregnant by him.
He’s 34 and I’m 27. We met in March before lockdown began. I was working as a manager in a retail cafe and he worked on a nearby architectural firm.
He came in every morning with his workmates. They are all from Lagos and liked to joke he was mad about me. He’s really fit, with a heart-melting smile. I couldn’t believe that he seemed to be hitting on me every time.
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His friends joked that his wife would be livid with him if she saw him with me. He started to come to the café alone at the end of the day. I’d get butterflies when I saw him. I live on my own, with no family ties, and guess I was lonely. He finally asked me to meet for a drink and let slip he’s not with his wife any more.
He said he would get himself scrubbed up and changed, then take me out somewhere special.
It turned out it wasn’t that special – just a drink and a takeaway Pizza which he took back to mine – but I still felt special all night and the sex made me feel really wanted for once. We met up more, in March and April, but then the café was closed because of Covid-19.
He called me daily and I let him come up to my flat for a drink, which led to us having sex again and again. Sex with him was awesome as he was well endowed and knows how to please a woman.
I know that was wrong but I thought there might be a future for us when lockdown was eased, as he seemed really keen.
I then found I was pregnant last week. I don’t know why I felt surprised. I just never thought that would happen to me. I messaged him and thought he’d be thrilled but he said he doesn’t want any more kids. He had not even mentioned having children before and I’ve not heard from him since. I do want a baby so much but feel my baby deserves a good dad. What should I do? Thanks, Ngozi. Port Harcourt.
You’re quite right, of course. Every baby deserves a good dad and sadly it sounds like you’ve taken a wrong turning here. This man is a player, who’s playing away. I pity his wife and his children, wherever they are, and I doubt you’ll see him again.
I’m guessing you haven’t had much experience of caring relationships with men, or of family love for that matter. That’s such a shame, as it’s left you with low self-esteem. You deserve so much more from a man. No matter how much love you have for a child, it will be hard to manage as a single mum, particularly without family support. So you need to think this through carefully.
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