What You Need To Know About Rape And Rapists

With the incessant cases of rape that go on all around the world, it is important that teenagers be educated and sensitized about rape! It is not just a matter to be taken with levity, it is a serious one and should be taken seriously.
You must have heard of Uwaila, the UNIBEN student who was raped and then killed and Barakat, another student at the Institute of Agricultural Research and Training IAR&T. Ibadan, who was also stabbed after being raped. Now you see why it is important we know talk about this subject.

Whether you have been a victim or not, here are 7 things you must know about rapists and the evil act – rape!1. Rape and Sexual Assault: these two terms are common in the sense that they point to sexual violations against someone and against one’s wish but they are distinctly different from each other. Sexual assault is an act in which a person intentionally touches another person sexually without that person’s consent, or coerces or physically forces a person to touch or engage in a sexual act against their will. Rape, on the other hand, is a type of sexual assault that involves penetration carried out against a person without that person’s consent. So, basically, rape is a type of sexual assault. If someone touches another person’s breasts, bum bum and other body parts in a sexual manner without the body owner agreeing to it, that is sexual assault or molestation. When someone, however, have sex and penetrate, that is rape. It is so important to understand these two, so as to set bounds and know when other people are crossing it.
2. Anybody can rape, likewise anybody can be raped: do not make the mistake of over trusting anyone or your abilities to fight when forced. Some fathers rape their daughter, uncles and aunties are not left out, raping their cousins. School teachers, music conductor, pastors, imams and many people you may seem to trust so much can do and undo. As a matter of fact, 60% of child sexual abuse cases are said to be perpetrated by someone the child knows outside the family and 30% are family members. This is not to say your dad will rape you but know this that anybody can rape.
In the same vein, anybody can be raped. In the past few weeks, reports of a 25-year-old man raping an 85-year-old grandmother surfaced. Cases of girls being raped are so rampant and the most common but doesn’t mean boys don’t get raped too.  As a matter of fact, a research shows that 1.5% of all men have been raped and 47% of bisexual men have experienced some form of unwanted sexual contact in their lifetime. Also, in the 2001 National Youth Risk Behavior Survey, 10.2% of girls and 5.1% of boys reported having been physically forced to have sexual intercourse, so you see it is not just a female thing – males too get raped. There are homosexuals (people of the same gender having sex), likewise there are male and female paedophiles (elderly people who find pleasure in sexing children and teenagers).

3. Younger people are at the highest risk of being raped and/or sexually violated: Every time I have the opportunity to talk to teenagers about this subject matter, my favourite quote is, “as a young person, you are being targeted, so you have to be wise“. Many a time, kids and younger people do not understand what is happening in their environments and at such, do not know the implication of things. With that, they see many things and do not take it as important – and that is one factor rapists love about their victims. They know the younger people cannot understand what they want to or are doing to them. Another reason is lack of confidence – rapists know many teenagers and kids cannot confront them, so they take advantage of them. Other times, they leverage on the trust the kids’ parents have in them, knowing fully well that some parents will bot believe their children if they report that their uncle, aunty or teacher rape them.
4. Rapists mean no good for you: Many of the people who rape teenager and kids usually appear to be good people, buying them candies/sweets, giving them money, helping them with school assignments and wiling to accommodate them or have them around. All of these things are to worm their ways into your heart so that you like them and think they mean well. They do not mean well, all they want to achieve is have their way and rape. Although there have been so many excuses that people who rape have psychological issues, it still doesn’t change the fact what they do or intend doing is bad.

5. Silence is not the needed tool after rape/sexual assault: think of taking in poison mistakingly and then going to sleep immediately – is that the solution? Of course NOT so also is silence not the answer for a victim of rape. In one of my articles on the Diary of a Naija Teen, I talked about how to tell one’s parents about rape incidence. It is seriously a big thing to do as it takes confidence and a lot of strength to do but believe me, the best thing to do is talk to someone about the rape incidence. Not just anyone, but trusted person. Most times, the parents are the best but when you have parents who are not readily available, you need a confidant and most times, an older person. You know why you need to speak out? Good, the main and first reason is medical treatment. Rape is forced and in the process of forcing something, there is most likely going to be a damage, so the rape victim needs to be checked medically and treated if need be. There might have been some deadly infections passed in the process too. Another reason is to ensure that another teenager or person does not fall victim of the same person. If the incidence is not reported, the rapist goes about flexing and preying on other victims. Victims of course will not like others to go through the same thing so there is the need to speak out!
Rapists threaten their victims to death if they ever get to speak out but most times, these are false. It is simply because they are afraid of people knowing. SPEAK OUT, to trusted people who have not tried to molest or assault you sexually – your mom most preferably.
6. Rape is not about what you wear or about you – it is about the rapist: another thing I tell teenagers, especially rape victims is, “rape is not about you, it is about the rapist, it is just unfortunate you are the victim.” No matter how much you see poison, you will not want to taste it, sin’t it? So if you eventually do, who is at fault, you or the poison? You of course because you know the poison is dangerous before taking it. You can only be less blamed if you do not know. The same goes to rapists, it is what they conceive in their minds to do – it is not because you are a beautiful girl or handsome boy. You are simply just human and the way God has created you, they are the ones with evil intention. Most times, these intention is not for them to have pleasure but about power and control.
7. You can avoid being raped and should report rapists: while it is proven that taking all security measures does not guarantee one will not be raped, many times, security measures work. There are a whole lot of things to be done, the most important ones are being educated about rape and being sensitive. What I have tried to do in this article is to educate you about rape, you an as well contact me adenike@kokointernet.com if you need to say or know more. Then, be sensitive to the brother or sister that wants to come around you every time or want you around unnecessarily. When you notice too much clinching or unwanted touch and compliments (calling you my wife, my husband), it is better to withdraw. It is not necessary to embarrass them at this stage but be careful around them. If you are home alone, ensure you lock your doors well, try as much as possible not to stay with them in a room or place alone and as much as you can once they begin the moves, report to someone trustworthy. If you need evidences for your parent or your trusted person to believe you, you may record some moments of interaction you have with them on your phone. Most importantly, do not keep silent once they begin their moves – once you keep silent, you may jut be silenced and then things go out of hand.
If you need someone to talk to about rape or any other things generally, you can reach out to me via the mail above or contact me on 09042093206. Stay safe and sensitive. I love you so much! See you, next Tuesday.Photos Credit: Getty