Wednesday, February 1, 2023

That Sharp Naija Guy: 8 Guides To Follow To Have The Perfect One Night Stand

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In theory, a one-night stand should be as easy as its sexual congregants. You want sex. She wants sex. Commence passionate no-commitment sexytimes. Finish passionate no-commitment sexytimes. Wash face. Sleep. Part. Thanks for the memories, you!… Isn’t that how it should be but hey it’s never is, in truth, there’s no such thing as a smooth one-night stand. Awkwardness is unavoidable, Morning after the mouth tastes like crime scenes. Maybe there’s a stuffed-animal collection you spotted too late.
And there are always feelings involved—mainly the ever-present anxiety that one person here is getting used. (It’s called a walk of shame for a reason), for those who’s seen the movie;  And if you ever want this to happen again—and who among us doesn’t?—we’ve got to work together to make sure it’s done right. Here’s how.

  1. Pick Up A Lady That Is willing And Also Wants A Fling: You out at a bar, you set your chick radar on search and receive, you search around for a possible fling, you should be out for this 4 types of ladies a) A Professional lady well dressed, not married and looking to blow of work steam. b) A Lady sitting alone having a drink without a ring on but is married c) A lady who just got out of a relationship and she’s looking for a rebound. And finally if you’re into that type d) Older Woman (A Cougar) But here you must have a strong sexual desire and expect a wild night. 
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2. Flirt With her And Show Sexual Attraction Ooze Charm: Now you’ve identified your potential target, go in appeal to her personality look as confident as possible, Ooze charm and persona, make her laugh, flirt with her in a subtle way but very expressive of your intention but before getting to deep try and get certain details is she out alone, is she waiting for someone stay sexually attractive all through. Enjoy the pre-sex talk and don’t rush things, you’re at a bar and you hit off with a lady the worst thing you can do is to act or make it obvious you just want to smash and run, be fun, be Nonchalant.

3. Bring Protection Along, Have Protection And Use It: Duh. Maybe you saw Knocked Up? Or When Harry Met Syphilis?…. Just protection its safer for you and this is one night stand don’t dive-in rough like as we say it in Naija local Parlance.

4.Be Kinky…Get Your Freak On(Only a Little):  It’s sex with a stranger—of course you should, get your freak on a bit, for the same reason you order a you’re here;  Hell, You won’t be doing this again in a while! except you’re Barney Stinson—Chances are, she’s thinking the same thing. So as Drake would say, you gotta be you. Caveat: If “being you” in bed involves knives, small animals, or bodily fluids other than semen, you should probably not be you. Or at least you should obtain explicit permission before being you.

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5. Don’t Fake It (No Fake Lovey-Dovey Affections)You feel bad. So you ask for her number even though you have no intention of calling. Or you inquire about her hopes and dreams or her pet’s name. Or you whisper “You’re an amazing woman” as you backspoon her like a drowning man hugging a flotation device. You might even bring up going on another date together, all of this mentioned please do not ask or you come off clingy and not cut-out for the game. Because you asked none of those question because you’re interested in a relationship. It’s only because you feel bad about being the dude-who-just-wants-to-Smash-and-bounce. And it’s needlessly confusing. You’re acting lovelorn for your benefit, not hers.

6. Be Smart Enough Not To Say It To Her That This Is Just A Fling: The fleeting nature of this full-body Lego game does not need to be expressed aloud, as a friend once did to a lady he met at a club about three minutes after they finished having sex we woke up to a lady sobbing in the middle of the night and having to comfort her about her insecurities, Again: they know what it is they get it. Do not say it.

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7. Keep The Phones Away And Don’t Take pictures: I mean, Jesus. This should go without saying, but apparently it doesn’t, considering the photo my co-worker just showed me that his friend surreptitiously snapped with his iPhone of a lady guest pulling on her shirt the next morning. Sure, she’ll never find out. But remember: Karma is a bitch, as some person who didn’t really understand Buddhism once said. And also if you’re in a relationship you don’t want such pictures on your phone.

8.Get up and Get out before Breakfast:  Spend the night for the goodwill toward the concept of the one-night stand. Do not bail immediately after sex, if you bail minutes after sex, it makes the lady feel like a big pile of trash. You can linger for wake-up sex. But don’t linger for breakfast. When it’s time to go, a kiss on the cheek and a succinct “I had a really fun time with you” is the perfect exit line. Now get out a flinch and walk talk…. Photo Credit: Getty

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