Dear Aunty Aurora,
My home is currently a war zone and the last thing I want is extended family members hearing about the recent events in my house. For a while now, my money has been disappearing mysteriously. Since it was just my wife and I in the house, the last thing I could have thought of was that my wife was stealing from me. I noticed that every few days cash would go missing from my wallet and I just chalked it down to not paying enough attention to how I was spending. At a point I even asked my secretary if anyone had been entering my office without my knowledge but she said no. As fate would have it, just yesterday, I was in the bathroom getting set to have my bath when I suddenly remembered that I wanted to try out a new shaving cream I got the previous day and left in the car. I stepped out of the bathroom into my bedroom only to see my wife hastily shoving my wallet back into the bedside drawer.
She had guilt written all over her face and I knew I had finally found the ‘ghost’ that had been moving my cash. I was so annoyed that I didn’t know when I called her a thief and that was when my wife lashed out too. What name didn’t she call me; stingy, unfeeling, uncaring, insensitive, I will leave out the more colourful words she used. Instead of staying calm, I flared up as well calling her a petty thief and even going as far as doing a mocking dance with it. I am not proud of my actions neither am I happy with the resultant atmosphere. She has been giving me the cold treatment since and I just feel that she has no right to play the victim here. She stole my money for heaven’s sake and instead of apologising, she is claiming I have no right to call her a thief. What else do you call someone who takes what doesn’t belong to them?. Truthfully I miss my wife even though we are under the same roof, but why won’t she just apologise and lets move on?
As hilarious as your letter was to read, I have to quickly point out that your situation isn’t about who is right or wrong. On the surface it might look like a simple case of a wife helping herself to a little extra cash and a husband who just wants her to apologise, but I can tell you that there are underlying issues here you need to attend to. Thankfully, its not beyond repair either and you can get back to a loving relationship in no time. The first problem I spot here is a lack of communication. How is finance handled in your home? Does your wife get a say in how you both disburse funds or you just allocate it as you see fit? Does she have her own money and can easily take care of her own needs without contribution from you? Do you both discuss individual financial commitments to extended family members or other causes?. For your wife to have called you stingy then she harbours resentment about how much you share with her and she hasn’t been able to say it till you pushed her by calling her a thief. She obviously feels she is taking what belongs to her which I believe to some extent she is within her rights. The institution of marriage gives some privilege to both parties and that includes joint ownership on some grounds. What you should be more concerned about now is finding out if she is only taking the money because you have refused to release it in the past or she has other issues that needs attention. These includes being a shopaholic, kleptomania amongst other things. You will never find out her reasons if you continue waiting for her to come to you first,so I advice you get to work. I am in no way endorsing her behaviour and she needs to know there is a better way of doing things too. Get to work Mr husband, you have a marriage to save. I wish you all the best. Aunty Aurora.
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