Dear Aunty Aurora,
I will try to keep my story short. I was in a relationship for about four years and everyone actually thought we will get married. When we first started out everything was good and we preferred each other’s company to going out or spending time with friends. Then little by little I started getting restless. I think he also got tired of the monotony and boredom of spending all his time with me and without knowing it we started growing apart.
Long story short we went our separate ways for over a year then we met again about a month ago. Talking about how everything went, we both realised that the relationship went downhill because the fun went out of the relationship for us. Now my ex is saying we should give it a second shot but I am confused. I know I really truly care about him and all but I don’t want to make the same mistake twice. It really hurt to part ways the first time, please what do I do?
I quite understand your mixed feelings about getting back together with your ex. For every relationship, there are two sides of the coin; its either it works or it doesn’t work. Taking a second short at a relationship that failed the first time is not always easy and you need to be mentally and emotionally prepared then also willing to make adjustments where you got it wrong the first time. You both obviously still have feelings for each other and only need a reason to get back together.
If you feel there is still something worth taking the risk for, then you should totally go for it and put efforts towards making your relationship a success this time around. Also don’t repeat the mistake of monopolising each other’s time again. Loving or being in love with someone does not automatically translate to always wanting to spend all your time with them. An healthy relationship means that you both also have satisfying relationships with other people in your lives e.g family members and friends. This puts less strain on your love-life and you won’t have the unfair expectation of getting the kind of fulfilment you can only get from relating with your family or friends from your partner. Its a good thing you are both saying how you felt before, now. Do more of that and make adjustments as you see fit. Remember to also socialise more, you both need it.
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Dear Aunty Aurora,