Dear Aunty Aurora,
During my youth service three years ago, I got pregnant but because I had a disagreement with the father of my baby at that time, he denied being responsible for my pregnant state and even though he knew I was far away from home and had no one to turn to, he still sent me away. For a while I stayed with a friend who took pity on me and I tried taking care of myself with the allowance I was getting but when the burden became too much, I had to tell my parents about my plight. They were very understanding and supported me from there on.
At a point, I decided to call my baby’s father’s parent to tell them about my pregnancy, but after that, he called to warn me to never call his family and that I should take my child to the right father. After that I decided it was best for me to forget about him and his family. Now that my baby is 3-years-old, I have been receiving calls from both his family members and friends wanting to confirm if the baby is actually their son’s. His friends said he has been going about announcing that he is the father of my child but he hasn’t called me himself to ask me about my son’s well being or how we have been coping all this while. His poor treatment of us has really hardened me and I will never accept him as my child’s father. My parents have been saying I should find a way to meet up with him and we should resolve the matter but I am so angry and bent on keeping my child away from him. Am I wrong to feel this way?
As much as I understand how you feel and the sense of betrayal you still carry around, the fact is that this is no longer only about you or what you want. What you baby’s father did was a terrible thing but continuing to hate him not only burdens you, but he will continue to have a hold over you till you can forgive him and let go. You don’t have to get back together with him if you don’t want to, but your son needs his father.
Right now he is still too young to start asking questions, but believe me in a few more years he will want to know why he can’t see his daddy. Its bad enough that you and his father might never raise him together under the same roof and its only a matter of time before he knows that something is off. Like your parents have suggested, meet up with your child’s father and figure out a way he can be involved in raising your child. Get your lawyers involved if necessary and let him understand that he would only have access to your child only as agreed between the both of you. I am sure you don’t want your son growing up filled with hate as well, so try to mend the fence with his father and move on with your life.
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