Wednesday, November 29, 2023

Aunty Aurora: How Do I Tell Him His Best Friend Raped Me In The Past?

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Dear Aunty Aurora,
I am a 23-year-old undergraduate studying for a degree in medical rehabilitation. During my first year as an undergraduate, I attended a party with some of my room mates and even though I don’t normally drink, I took alcohol out of curiosity. The night ended really bad because I got raped by one of my male friends who was also at the party. The next morning when I realised what had happened, he apologised profusely saying he was also drunk and didn’t know what he was doing. Since then we parted ways and I only saw him occasionally till recently. I found out that this same guy is a very close friend of the person I am currently dating. Neither of us knew that my boyfriend was a mutual acquaintance till his birthday last two weeks. I panicked and only barely managed to convince my boyfriend that I was ok when he introduced the guy who raped me as his friend. Since then I have been bothered. I never told my current boyfriend that I was raped. Now I am worried that he might hear about it before I get to tell him and at the same tim I don’t know how he would react. Please how can solve this?.
Dolapo, Ogun.
Dear Dolapo,
I am really sorry to hear about your experience with rape. I do hope you spoke with a specialist about it and didn’t keep the matter to yourself. The psychological effects of being raped can be more damaging than most of us know, so before you go any further do that before anything else. My advice concerning telling your boyfriend is simple and straight forward; tell your boyfriend about it before it is too late and that is only if you are sure you both want a future together. Normally, telling him before you both make commitments to each other is what is recommended for the sake of both parties. Although I highly doubt that the other guy involved would open his mouth and tell your boyfriend that he did such a thing to you, but for the sake of your sanity, tell your boyfriend first. If he decides he doesn’t want the relationship anymore then thats ok, someone else will come along eventually, but keeping the truth from him and constantly worrying about it is no way to live. Aunty Aurora.
Photo Credit: Getty

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