Sunday, December 4, 2022

Aunty Aurora: I Love Him But He Want More Wives

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Dear Aunty Aurora, First I will like to show my gratitude for you having a platform like this, through which I can share my feelings. I met Rasheed in my first year at the University and as time went on we grew close to each other even though he is a Muslim and I’m a Christian. However we didn’t realize that we had fallen in love with each other until few years after University when we had met again. We dated for six months after which he proposed to me and I accepted. That was the happiest day of my life. We had our introduction ceremony, both families met each other and our wedding date was set for the 27th of July.
A week after our introduction, he called me to meet him at a restaurant in Ikeja to talk about our marriage, sharing all the secrets between us and also sharing what we want from each-other. Based on what I’ve noticed among most Muslim-Christian marriage, where the wife ends up changing her religion to that of the husband, I told him that no matter what, I wouldn’t change my religion after marriage, I said I will like to keep my religion and not convert to Islam. He accepted my wish but strangely when it was time for him to reveal his secret, he asked me to promise not to get angry. I told him I won’t, then he said he is a man of big desires, that I wouldn’t be his only wife, that he plans to marry more wives after our marriage. This really hurt my feeling, as in what kind of woman is willing to share her husband, but I held it in and ask him why he seeks more wives.

All he could tell me was that his religion allows it and that it’s not in his character to keep secrets, that he has always wanted this. It started getting difficult for me to hold it in, all I could say to him was to give me more time to think about it in other to excuse myself. What has been going through my mind since then was that, could it be possible that he is trying to test me with this? I’m not just sure whether he meant his decision or not. I was so surprised he could say something like that. Now I’m in a dilemma, caught between two decisions. Should I tell him I accept and continue with the marriage or should I break our relationship?
Sandra, Lagos.

Dear Sandra,
It seems your fiance doesn’t love you as much as you thought, because if he does there wouldn’t be any reason for him to be seeking the pleasure of other women. In my own opinion I feel he doesn’t think you are woman-enough for him. About you thinking whether he is testing you, what if he’s not, this matter is way beyond a thing to joke about, its about how the rest of your life is going to be. Don’t let someone become a priority in your life when you are just an option in their life.Relationships works best when they are balanced. I don’t think he loves you as much as you love him, if your fiance really loves you, why would he need some other women? Once you realize this, don’t make compromise and make decision without thinking deep about it and make sure you inform your parents about it. They are people who have gone through a lot of similar life experiences. They have tasted marriage and knows the ups and downs. We are in a world where monogamous marriages experience marital problems, talkless of polygamous marriage. Remember that it wouldn’t be about you alone anymore, it will also be about the other women. Think twice and act once, a word is enough for the wise.
Aunty Aurora.

Photo Credit: Getty

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