Dear Aunty Aurora: I just got married to a good man but I can never forget the night I had sex with a girl. I’m 28 and my husband is 32. We got married three months ago. My parents are very religious and firmly against sex before marriage.
I knew I was attracted to both sexes from the age of 17, leaning more towards girls. I hoped, fasted and prayed that would change. Just after my 18th birthday at University, I went clubbing with some friends, which was the first time I’d been to that kind of place. I loved the music and the way it made me feel alive. After a few drinks I was dancing with friends when I noticed a beautiful undergraduate beautiful staring at me. She asked me to dance and we carried on doing so, smooching away for the rest of the night.
Later, I went back to her flat off-campus and we slept in her bed and got very sexy together. She was 21. It was the best night of my life, no question, but I told her I couldn’t see her again. My parents would have freaked out at the idea I’m a lesbian. I tried to forget all about her, although she was still there in my dreams. I hoped one day I would find the right man and when I met my husband I believed I had. I was not just in love but over the moon because my life seemed to fall into place. All was brilliant at first but I can feel my sexual drive with him has weakened. I keep thinking back to that girl from the club. I know I need to explore my strong feelings for women somehow, perhaps in some kind of threesome. How do I explain to my husband I want to have sex with a girl?Thank you. Funke, Festac.
Dear Funke, If you love your husband, is it honestly fair to persuade him to have a threesome with another woman so you can explore your sexuality? First focus on improving your sex life with him. The honeymoon shine has come off but that doesn’t mean it’s the end. Maybe he needs to learn more about what really works for a woman. Show him what does it for you. If that doesn’t work, at least you will know you tried and it’s time to be honest with him. Your love may come through with some counselling help, or it may not survive. But it shows more respect for yourself and your husband than living a lie because you are still driven by your parents’ ideas and religious beliefs.
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