Dear Aunty Aurora,
Please Keep me anonymous. I am a 29-year-old lady and I have been dating a 38-year-old guy called James. We both have jobs but James’ doesn’t pay that well. It really doesn’t bother me because I can take care of myself. I was hoping that come next year we would start making plans for a wedding since we are both not getting any younger. I felt we were doing fine as it was and so when James asked that we meet up, I didn’t think anything was up. When I got to his apartment I met him in a very sober mood and started to worry immediately.
I asked what the matter was and he said he just wanted to let me know that he feels guilty for keeping me in a relationship that was obviously going nowhere. He was releasing me to keep an open mind to a relationship with other men because with the way things are going for him, he won’t be able to marry me next year. Since I would be turning 30, he didn’t think it fair to keep delaying me when he had nothing to offer me. I tried convincing him not think that way but to no avail. Ever since that discussion, James doesn’t call as much as he used to. Even when I suggest we hang out he would say I should go and have a nice time. I don’t know what to do because I am suspecting that he may be tired of me or seeing someone else.
Its always hard to let go of the familiar. That feeling of bereavement further clouds our thinking and makes it hard to make smart choices, but dear, you need to give your situation a second look. I am not saying that the possibility of James cheating doesn’t exist but the most viable reason for his suggestion is that he wants to give you a choice which I think is a good and tricky thing. Telling you to widen your options absolves him of any guilt he may feel for keeping you, but at the same time now if you decide to stick with him, the fault is yours if things don’t work out. I would advice that you take a second and closer look at your options. Are you willing to stay with him even though things might not turn rosy for him anytime soon? In this part of the world, the emphasis we place on age has a lot of effect on our choices, you should decide if you are willing to bare the side talk that comes with being an ‘old maid’. On the other hand, you should also consider moving on as the next course of action if he is still bent on letting you go. I wish you all the best dear. Aunty Aurora.
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