Nothing can compare with the heart-racing highs of early-relationship hot sex, right?
But as time goes by, the passionate, must-have-you-nows often become fewer and farther between – and before you know it, you’re in a sex rut, looking back to those early days with envy. I’m not going to sugar-coat it: Sex does change as you progress through a long-term relationship.
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When you first become a twosome, everything feels new, and you put a whole lot of effort into connecting with your partner. But that level of energy isn’ t sustainable: Eventually, you have to refocus your attention to other parts of your life, and with that, your sex life starts to change.
As a result, sex often becomes less frequent, exciting, and passionate. But just because your relationship doesn’t feel as high as it was in those first few months, doesn’t mean you’re never going to get those moments of spark back.
In fact, there are a few common threads that are key to sparking the fire and desire back in your bedroom.
Here are the top factors that may influence your sex life as your relationship progresses -and what you can do to keep the passion alive for the both of you.
Having Hotter Sex Makes You Feel Like She Wants You: More than 70 percent of men said feeling wanted by their partner had the largest impact on their sexual desire and in their relationship. In the early stages of the relationship, it’s usually pretty obvious that she’s into you. But over time, that I-need-you-now feeling tends to fizzle out, which can lead to the same day-to-day routine in and outside of the bedroom.
Bottom line is, it’s just nice to be reassured that you still get her going.
Sharp Naija Guide: If you want to be subtle, just positively reinforce moments when she makes you feel attractive. If she tells you that you look sexy in your new suit, let her know how much it means to hear that from her.
Men generally believe the most significant evidence of their partner’s desire was when she initiated sex – so if there’s ever a moment that she comes onto you first, don’t hesitate to tell her how hot it was. Hearing that you liked it might strengthen the relationship and reassure her to try it again.
If you still feel like you’re not getting anywhere after making your feelings known, just trying being direct: Tell her how much it matters to you – there’s a big chance she doesn’t realise how important feeling wanted is to you.
Remember, feeling desired is just as important for her as it is for you. So even small compliments can go a long way: Tell her how cute her butt looks in those new jeans – little moments like this can help keep that spark lit.
Having Hotter Sex Means You Should Try Something New In Bed: Trust me, spontaneity is key: 66 percent of men in the study described enjoying sex that was relatively unplanned or unexpected.
While having sex at the same time every single day is perfectly okay, it just feels good – physically and mentally – to spice it up every now and then. Remember that fiery sex you had when you first started dating? One of the best ways to recreate that feeling is by experimenting in bed. The element of surprise always turns most guys and ladies on.
Sharp Naija Guy Guide: You don’t need to go full-blown out of either yours or her comfort zone to heat things up. If you have sex every Saturday morning at the exact same time, try initiating a quickie after work on a Wednesday or before dinner on a Friday night.
You can also try a new place. Get frisky in a hotel room or even in your living room, instead of your bedroom. There are countless ways you can make sex exciting for her again. If you want to get adventurous, ask her if she wants to incorporate a sex toy in bed. If you’re not ready for toys just yet, ask her if there’s a new position she’d like to experiment with or a fantasy she’d like to act out – her answer might just be the excitement you’re looking for, too.
Having Hotter Sex Mean You Must Date Her Again. Intimate communication is necessary to feeling sexual desire, but don’t worry, it’s not as scary as it sounds. Intimate communication simply means having a conversation you haven’t had in a while.
When we go on dates in the beginning of a relationship, we give our partner our full attention. We talk, we get to know them, we get to know their inner world. Over time, we assume that we know everything about our partner and we don’t necessarily engage in conversation with that same level of curiosity.
But those conversations shouldn’t stop just because you’ve been together forever. You naturally feel connection through conversation and eventually, you’ll want to express that connection physically.
That Sharp Naija Guy Guide: Women typically feel like initiating conversation is on their shoulders, so it’s up to you to make an effort if you feel like you’re not talking as much as you used to.
Find a time every day to catch up. Avoid talking about what’s for dinner, and really ask her questions about her day, what her friends are up to, or anything exciting she’s recently experienced. It’s as simple as sitting down for a drink and a chat after you both get home from work.
Carve out 20 minutes of pillow talk before you got to sleep. Unplug and give her your full attention – that conversation may just turn into something more.Photo Credit: Getty