Before getting into marriage, a counselor advised an intending couple to listen to a story of another couple who had once divorced, stayed apart for a year and remarried again.
The true story was meant to teach everyone on how to handle conflict. Listening to their story of what irreconcilable differences led to their divorce and what they vowed to do differently in their new marriage shed a lot of light on our union.
Read on to learn how to take care of conflicts in your relationship.
Respect each other: This has everything to do with being sensitive towards your partner’s feelings. One of the mistake the said couple had made in their first attempt at marriage was using the wrong tactics to speak to each other. Their house was filled with arguments and shouting. Name calling was common in their relationship. Admittedly, this made them wear out as they stopped valuing each other. Having a conflict doesn’t mean you disrespect your partner, on the contrary, it is a platform where both of you express your different opinions openly and lovingly.
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Get to the issue objectively: Agreeably, it’s hard to detach emotions from something you’re passionate about, especially if it involves putting a certain point across. What emotions do, however, is cloud your judgment and possibly raise the arguments tempo. As a rule of the thumb, no conversation should be held when both of you are streaming with anger or contempt. Taking some time off alone and choosing to revisit the bone of contention later will ensure that both of you are not affected. You’ll be able to tackle your conflict well, taking turns to even express your separate opinions.
Never say ‘never’ or ‘always’: The couple at our therapy case study had said they never wanted anything to do with each other after the divorce was funny. Interestingly, they reunited and remarried. Since human is to error, when at conflict with your partner, you may regret throwing out unbecoming statements.
Telling your partner they always make mistakes or fail to listen to you, amidst other actions makes them feel like you’ve lost hope in their ability to change. Seek to encourage your partner when in a conflict and remember that they are your loved ones. Trashing them won’t help.
Agree to disagree: Two people, despite how much in love they are, have their differences. Knowing that you are different and you can have different opinions will guide how far your conflict goes. Sometimes you may be in a conflict and looking into winning or showing your partner that you’re more powerful than them. This only hurts your relationship. Agree to disagree and realize that in a relationship, there’s no winner or loser.
Following these tips, like the couple, you won’t have to get a divorce and remarry to learn.
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