The Valentine’s day drama is over and you’ve just dumped (or have been dumped). Going through a heartbreak is devastating. It sets even the most composed of us off balance. Whereas we carry those scars as constant reminders of a love gone south, we need second chances.
Finding courage to love, again, has to come from you. Here we have a few pointers on how to go by it.
1. Come to terms with your heartbreak: When we get hurt, it is easy to fold into a cocoon of isolation and stay in denial. Everything we ever knew was greatly shared with the other person. How can we possibly accept a life without them? Realising that your past happened and you have no control over it can set you free. It allows you to stop self-blaming and focus on the future. Soon, you begin to model yourself again. You need not to walk around with your baggage and insecurities.
2. Redefine your self-worth: So much of who we thought ourselves to be and ever become was strongly intertwined in our previous relationships. When you experience heartbreak, you can take yourself down a spiral of self-pity and feelings of worthlessness. ‘Why did they leave me?’, ‘Why did it have to be me?’, ‘I should have done better’, are all but the constant music to our ears. You need to get your self-esteem in order and understand that you are beautiful and have great potential. Remove the tags that your previous hurt may have branded you. This will help you feel good and confident about yourself, which you will, in turn, beam to other people.
3. Be willing to be vulnerable again: When it comes to love, we plunge deep for the first time. However, after heartbreaks, we tend to test the waters wearing all sorts of protective gear. You will be unable to experience love again if you lock yourself up and think you won’t get hurt again. There are no guarantees and the earlier you understand this, the better. Courage to love again will be driven by your conscious understanding that you can get hurt but still want to put yourself out there.
4. Focus on the lessons from the hurt: Some of the limitations we face are based on our clouded judgment from our pain. When you choose to focus on the lessons your previous hurtful relationship taught you, you have clearer perspective. You will be able to know what you were responsible for, what you should have done differently and what to look out for in the future. It will give you courage to love again when you know what to observe, tolerate and totally walk away from in the future as a lesson from your past.
5. Understand that healing takes time: Rushing your feelings through the pain is a plain Pinocchio stunt. You are lying to yourself unapologetically. Healing takes time, and you need to know that there are times you will think you are okay but you are not. You are able to embrace a new sense of self after knowing you can be vulnerable and full recovery is a work in progress. Sometimes, even the small triggers can refresh the wounds. Practice self-compassion and love yourself even when it hurts.
6. Have a support system: Staying connected to people we love, even after hurt assures us that we are not alone. Instead of diverting all your calls and blocking people, cluster in the web of your family and close pals. They will be the ones to encourage you to get up and feel the sunshine even in days when all you want to do is lay in bed. They also act as great accountability partners, sure to caution you before you topple over into another love ditch in the name of a rebound.
7. Get involved in social activities: Get out and exercise or attend dance classes or yoga outside your house. Meeting new people will make you stop reliving your past as you make stupid wishes. It will give you the opportunity to see new personalities and broaden your spectrum of life. You do not have to get into a relationship with anyone immediately. All it does is to assure you that there are a billion more people whom you can choose to share life with when you are ready.
Finding courage is not an easy thing. With a little boost from self and externally, you can be surprised at how open your heart can become again. After all, we are made to love and be loved.
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