Most guys always play the importance of this topic down with the saying that “it’s just a matter of talking and listening”. To be fair to them, it should be as simple and straightforward as that. But the complex nature of an adult’s mindset requires a whole lot more than that for both parties to be at peace with each other. Sincere communication involves two people with deep feelings and stout opinions. It becomes more complicated when you/your partner’s emotions are on the line.
The average Nigerian guy is most likely to put up barriers in situations like this due to the ever-uncertain result of “raising the topic”, and with time, we avoid participating in any form of deep conversation for one reason or another. Well, unless you will like to begin the search for a new girlfriend again, i will advise you to refrain from this “avoidance” attitude with immediate effect.
Some communication barriers Nigerian couples encounter when striving to achieve productive communication include:
More talking, less listening.
Quite a number of Nigerians consider themselves excellent communicators because they are amazing “talkatives”. But speaking is only one phase of the communication coin—it also happen to be the less important part of the communication cycle. Successful communication requires speaking and listening, but most Nigerians find it easier to do the former than the latter. For good communication in your relationship, you must learn to listen well before speaking.
Trying to “fix” every problem.
Rather than listening with rapt attention, most guys always reason towards “righting” every wrong by offering to act on it or advice on it. You see, sometimes, Nigerian ladies just want to discuss the problem with you. They don’t want you to solve it/ take it up as your cross to bear. All they need, is a “jist-mate” to discuss the matter with. When a lady reveal her feelings to a tenacious problem-solver, his focus on fixing the problem can frustrate the real goal of gaining greater understanding. Though, there’s a time for problem-solving, it might be salutary to be-on-stand-by until your lady asks, “What do you think I should do about this?”
Catharsis (Purgation of emotion).
Some guys view communication as an occasion to purge. They place no brakes on what they should say, and what they should keep to themselves. They don’t know how much is too much, and they confuse unwarranted speaking with heart-to-heart conversations. You definitely do not need to launch an ultimate search before you find people like this. Just like MTN, they are everywhere you go. With time, we all start feeling pissed off by their attitude.
Mind reading super powers.
You place your arms akimbo in the parlor at night and you automatically expect her to understand that you need more food. This sickening attitude will automatically frustrate the life out of any relationship in no distant time. Though mind-readers earn a whole lot of money as a shrink or a local shaman, their talent has little to offer in the realm of a Nigerian relationships. Lovers understand each other not by sensing the electric pulses in your brain, but by dialoging in a mutually acceptable manner.
The Drama King.
It is understandable to hear that ladies akin themselves with creating a scene more often than not. But believe me, no one likes it when a guy adopts the same antic. When it comes to communication in relationship, some guys are the equivalent of the show-stealer at a concert. They keep edging others out of the way so they can steal the spotlight. Great communication starts with genuine interest. You have to sincerely want to know what’s going on inside your partner.
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