Domestic violence is one of the topics that has trended in the year 2017- more than we would have liked. This is due to the fact that it is the only reality many have come to know and are only beginning to realise that it is not a lifestyle they have to continue living. Domestic violence is one of the many by-products of living with a partner who either has no control over their emotions or how to properly handle anger. Most women who are married to people with anger issues will tell you that the feeling is most likely similar to living close to an active volcano. You never know when the next outburst will come or how you are going to suffer for it. It is essential you do what is best for both of you. So, if you are ready to arm yourself with a new mindset and learn helpful skills, then you should,
Reflect On Your Actions: Think about whether you played any role in triggering this anger. It pays to be honest with yourself here. If you did play a role escalating the conflict, this will require an approach of taking ownership of your actions and maybe apologizing for them if the situation calls for it. However if you didn’t contribute to his anger, then your priority shifts to showing him where he misunderstood you, but not now.
Know That Anger Is A Habit: Many times, a man’s anger is simply a condition—a habit triggered by the most trivial events. It’s not your fault that he has a short fuse, no matter how he may try to unintentionally (or intentionally) brainwash you into believing so. His words and actions are his own responsibilities, so never take blame for what he does or says.
Don’t Try To Take The Reigns:Â Don’t try to control your husband’s anger. First things first with this, don’t focus on trying to change him, because you can’t. Only he can. All you can do is control how you react to it and what it does to you on your end. In other words, he can spit fire but you can shield yourself from letting it burn you.
Don’t Put Fuel Into The Fire: Anger has an important trait: it’s temporary. So let him be angry by himself and know that he will calm down eventually. If you put more fire into his fire, it may last for more hours or even days than it normally would have. Remember, his anger will pass but what you say to each other while arguing in the heat of the moment may leave scars forever.
Pick Your Battles: The greatest generals know to only fight the battles they can win. They don’t waste their resources on the ones that they can’t. The less battles you fight, the more powerful the ones you decide to engage in will be. Not only they will pack a larger punch, but you will be more likely take your husband by surprise and win the ones that really matter to you. Of course, it’s not about winning or losing. Rather, it’s about being mindful of what issues are worth tackling vs. those that just need to blow over.
Apologise When Needed: “I’m sorry.” This one is such a common sense tactic that it’s ridiculous to even mention here. However it bears repeating: if you clearly played a role in escalating your husband’s anger, then simply take responsibility for it and say “I’m sorry.” Nothing melts an angry heart faster like a sincere apology. Make sure it’s sincere, though.
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