Monday Musings: The Most Dangerous Nigerian Might Be A Woman After All

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Have you ever shared a bed with a woman on a cold Sunday morning? The smell of wet green grass mixing with the sound of the last few drops of rain on the roof serves as a reminder of the deluge that happened overnight; the gentle but not-so-subtle breeze serving as a warning that there might still be more where that came from; the soft cooing of the woman’s voice gently daring you to do your ‘worst’ to her – that is the height of ecstasy right there.Not for me though. I had a morning just like that yesterday but it rather left me depressed. There was a cold morning alright. There was even a woman nudging me to do my worst to her but upon all her goading, I could do no more than a limp chicken. I was nothing but a limp chicken to Diezani Alison-Madueke.Boredom on a cold Sunday morning saw me investigating why hatred for the former Minister of Petroleum had been the fad for a couple of weeks. I was familiar with the whole embezzlement story but could not quite understand what all the fuss was for. Surely as Nigerians, we should be immune to stories of corruption by now. So why the concentrated hatred towards an accused that is even on the wrong side of cancer?I was not prepared for the truth. This f**beeeep**p, go**beeep**g, t**beeeeep**t was not born with a heart. The amount that has been traced to her looting so far amounts to almost Two-hundred and twenty-five billion Naira. That is 1,200 Naira for every single Nigerian alive whether young or old. That is more than 25% of the combined revenue generated by all 36 states in the whole of 2016. One woman took that! And according to the EFCC hierarchy, this is only a tip of the iceberg.The Charly Boy group have just found the right thing they should have been protesting for since the beginning. Some might say that the #ResumeOrResign protest was a waste of time but I doubt there would be any complainer for the protest to extradite the former minister back to Nigeria to answer all charges against her. Forget the stationing of all military power in the North East to nullify Boko Haram. Our greatest enemy is not in a Sambisa Forest. Nigeria’s greatest enemy is a “she” who is currently living out her days in exile in London with all the luxuries that money can afford, I presume. And our army should be sent in their strength to go get her.What angers me to the fullest is her continuous claims that this is all nothing but a witch-hunt. I doubt if the EFCC would be crazy enough to pin that amount on money on someone if the facts did not push them to. Even none of her party colleagues or her boss has jumped to support her despite their vocal oppositions to the APC government. This means there is a bit of truth to the allegations. Her continual denial is a slap on my face, which to the all-seeing eye means that she is daring Nigerians to do their very worst to her. She is daring me.And maybe her confidence is misplaced. Because right now, I feel powerless like a limp chicken. She is faraway in London while all I can do is transfer my anger to my laptop keyboard. Political protocol means extraditing her back to Nigeria might not be as easy as it looks on paper. But if this government wants my vote in 2019, the barest minimum they can do is to bring this terrorist back home and make this chicken feel like an eagle.Photo Credit: Getty

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