Oh yes, you just landed here. Of course, you are on the right site and the right page. Let’s officially say Welcome dear KOKO lovers, to our new segment – Diary Of A Naija Teen. We know you know what it is or may be all about already but still, we will do an intro… This is home for teens, the super daunting 13-9teens, periodtt! In this home and hub, we will be exploring what life is at those teen ages, having a heart to heart talk and discussions on what we face at such ages and those intimate things our parents will not allow us talk to them about and proferring solution together. Maybe our parents give us room to talk but we are still afraid, shy and scared about what they will feel about us and so we can’t open up, that is no more. We have a home now, a hub to ourselves where we can trust that our secrets are safe and we can pour it all out! You have something to share? You need solutions and advice? You have something you want to teach others or want them to learn from, across all topics and issues affecting teenagers like you? Reach out here adenike@kokointernet.com and we can all discuss together! If you want to be anonymous, perfect, if you want your name out, cool, we will take it whichever way you want.
As we begin this segment today, we will be looking at one important part of life that is so sensitive and crucial – Crushes and Affection Exuberances. The racing heartbeat like your blood-pumper will fall out, the shaking knees, the shyness, the inability to look him/her in the eyes or to express yourself and you keep stammering are some of the characteristics of this topic we will be looking at how today and we surely will find a way around it.
First, let’s see what a crush is… A crush or infatuation is simply the gradual awareness of an interest in the opposite sex. It is that first flush of a strange new feeling, undefined and inexplicable. It is nature’s way of telling us that all is well with the natural processes of growing up. The new uncertain feelings are an important milestone of puberty, bringing in their wake a series of emotional changes.
Exuberance, on the other hand, is simply the energy, excitement and cheerfulness that comes with something. Now that we know what a crush and exuberance is, is it normal or a bad thing to feel or have a crush?
I always say to every teenager I know and have that it is normal for you to have a crush or have feelings for someone, I feel the same countless times. If you think it is not, then you have to query the puberty stage you are going through, how your parents came about having you and how every other person in this world came into their places. When you get to the puberty stage, the hormones that are produced and released in your bodies bring a lot of things in place as the hair in your armpit and the aza place, you gerrit and so, they help you develop feelings and the exuberances too. The most important thing, however, is how you deal with them. You cannot continue to seem dumb in her presence or have him think of you as someone who doesn’t know what she is doing. You cannot be having a heavy heart every time you see him, you cannot be trembling every time she shows up, we have to find a solution to it, yeah. So, let’s see some practical steps to take.
1. What to do with the crush? think deep and well about what exactly you want to do with him or her. Do you want to have this friendship? Yes, let’s start with friendship, that’s what you need now, kk? It’s not about your age but your maturity, so yes, are you mature enough to handle this friendship without letting it affect your studies and environment? Then, about this person, do you really want him or her to be a very very close friend? It is all about the standards you set for yourself, so what is yours like? Let me tell you a secret, I didn’t have such friendship with my exam mate simply because I think he is not handsome and then another person because he is about 10 years older than I am (yes, it is possible to have a crush on an older person, the heart just does its thing so, you really need to use your head and think right.) If you are relying on your mind, you will have about 10 people you like at the same time and will be confused who you really want to choose that is why you need your head to be open to think WHAT EXACTLY DO YOU WANT TO DO WITH YOUR CRUSH?
2. Keep it cool as before: if you have decided to crush your crush, do it well by not becoming a sudden enemy with your crush. Let things be as normal, you know hi hi and be cool. It may sound funny but it is true that your crush may not know you have a crush on him or her so, wisdom and maturity says that you just let things be as cool as they are while you take your mind off the feelings. Now, this is not just a sudden thing, it doesn’t happen like a miracle, it will take you conscious and constant efforts. Start by redirecting your thougts whenever you think about him or her, be courageous and put on boldness when your heart starts to race at the sight of your crush and when you see him or her with another girl/boy, smile and be happy in the stead of being jealous. That way, your mind and heart will adjust to what you are training them to do. If you decided otherwise (to build a very close friendship), you still have to keep it cool, remember, your crush may not even know you like her or him so much. If you were friends, keep being great friends, checking up on and assisting each other and don’t ever try to rush things. With time, your crush will come around and your friendship will be mutual.
3. See and take caution: If you have decided not to go ahead, as you are keeping things cool, work hard constantly on keeping the crush out of your mind and crush it forever or as long as needed. On the other hand, once you figure that you want to keep a very good friendship with this person, you need to know that you will be facing more pressure from then onward. The constant urge to be with the person, to see him, to fight for her every time, to support and sacrifice something for him or her will be there. All of these are great and sweet but hey yo, babes, once they are harming you and making you inconvenient, you guys need to see caution and slow things down. As a teenager, you should keep a friendship and not a love-making relationship so, in as much as your hormone may want to function well making you sexually alert, you need to take caution. Don’t take it too far!!! Don’t be too extreme with your crush either, that you feel sad every time you see him/her with another girl/boy. It is not just acceptable and may make the person feel uncomfortable. Craving for too much attention, calling repeatedly or hanging around will become a nuisance and not only embarrass or irritate your crush but their affection too. Read also:Â Court Remands Teenager Who Burnt His Girlfriend To Death
4. Value friendship, your worth and don’t get stuck: there is so much value and security in moving in mixed groups, rather than isolating yourself with one particular boy or girl. Yes, she is your crush and you are trying to handle your crush well, that doesn’t make you a couple with him or her, so, never ever lose your friends, whether you are going ahead to be closer with your crush or not. Also, while dealing with your crush, never lose yourself in the process. Do what you enjoy doing with your other friends and for yourself, life is not about your crush alone. Never stop learning your skills and miss classes because you need to run away from or with your crush. If you keep being you, they will like you more (if you have decided to go ahead with the friendship) or you will be too busy to notice them and that way the feelings will disappear (if you want to get over it).
5. Understand that things can go wrong: Life is never and will never be a bed full of roses so sometimes, it will hurt you that your crush is not looking at your side or coming around, jealousy will certainly set in, he or she may hurt you at one point in time or getting over him or her may not just work as expected, they are all part of life. In all of these (not only these though but in your everyday life), understanding that things will not always go the way you want it to go will help you to be calm and think properly in the face of challenges and unpleasant times and yeah life may be better of not perfect. Photos Credit: Getty
