Dear Aunty Aurora,
My boyfriend and I stay in the US and we have been planning to get married before the year runs out. He plans on bringing his mum and brother to live here and they will obviously stay with us. This has been his plan even before he proposed to me. My problem now is how do I tell him I don’t want to start living with family from day one as a newly wed. I want to enjoy my home and be free to walk around naked and run my home the way I want without interference from mother-in-law or anyone else. How do I discuss this with him without seeming like a bad or nagging wife. I’ve asked him and he said if they can afford it they will live on their own but I know how it is and it’s not so cheap to be independent over here.I’m totally confused and it’s casting a pall over my upcoming wedding. Please help a sister.Georgina, Miami.
I really do understand your concerns and from one woman to another, telling you to put your foot down and ask your boyfriend to halt his plans is an exercise in futility. I do understand that as a newly wed, having people around may dampen the marital excitement, but going against a plan he has been nurturing for so long will yield little to no results as well. His first argument would be to ask you to put yourself in his shoes and see if you will still be saying the same thing. Asides that, I am assuming you are both of African descent and you understand the importance attached to family. For him to have been nursing the idea before maybe meeting you means its not a simple issue to him. The only alternative I can give you is to explain how you feel about it and let him see reasons why bringing his family immediately after your wedding is a wrong move. I am sure they won’t be staying with you forever and you and your husband can help them get on their feet soon. You will be needing a lot of patience and empathy to get you through this but if you feel the alternatives won’t work for you then you might have to reconsider marriage because marriage requires a lot of concessions. Aunty Aurora.
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Dear Aunty Aurora,