Dear Aunty Aurora
Kindly keep me anonymous. I am a single mother to two lovely kids aged 6 and 8. Although I am still relatively young, I lost my husband a few years back and since then its been just my kids and I with help from my mum as well. Not too long ago I met a middle aged man called Bade. We met at a social function through a mutual friend and since then we kept contact and a relationship started. Bade has been a very wonderful person to me and my family. He helps out financially and is always supportive. The relationship is generally doing well but the issue at the moment is that Bade wants to marry me but he says he doesn’t want any one living with us including my children. He says since he has never been married before he wants to enjoy having a wife for a few years before we start having kids around the house. Bade says he is willing to get another apartment for my mum so that my kids can stay with her. When I told my mum about this, she became very angry and said she doesn’t want me around Bade anymore. I am really confused about the whole issue. I really want more out of my life and I also want my kids to have the best. I really don’t want to get separated from my kids but marrying Bade would really ease the burden of caring for them. Please what should I do?
Lagos, Nigeria. Dear Anonymous,
Being a single mother is never an easy task. Times would come when you will have to make life-altering decisions for yourself and your children and the only thing you have to do is know what matters most to you and what your priorities are. Bade knew you were a single mother before he decided to start a relationship with you. For him to now request that your kids should stay with your mum after marrying you shows some inconsistency in his character. That was probably his plan from the beginning and showing support all this while is just a way for him to get on your good side. I can assure you that if you should agree, he will not only separate you from your children but he would also not fulfil his promise of taking care of them. Your children are still really young and they need you to be there for them. Money won’t take away the feeling of abandonment they will feel when you marry Bade and it could scar them for life. I believe you need to sit down and think about this properly. You can always find another man if Bade chooses to leave you but you only get one chance to raise your kids right. Decide which is more important. Aunty Aurora.
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Dear Aunty Aurora