Dear Aunty Aurora,
I really find it hard and almost impossible for me to resist the amazing sex I’m having with my sister-in-law’s partner and he is my youngest child’s father. I know I should stop but it is better than any sex I’ve ever had. I got married five years ago, just before our son was born.
Our new house was not finished and my husband’s sister said that her new boyfriend was a contractor and he would come round and help finish the roof and tiles with his company. When he came to with his staff to do the work, it was the first time I had met him and he is incredibly hot. He is 36 now and my hubby and I are 30. He did the work to a very high standard and we paid next to nothing as we are ‘family’.
A few months later we at at a family event and he told me he had wanted me since he first saw me. I could not resist him and we thereafter started relationship. We always seem to end up having wild sex, and this has gone on ever since. My sex-life with my husband stopped a year after our wedding three years ago. He just doesn’t often seem bothered. I got pregnant last year and my daughter is three months old. My husband doesn’t seem to have twigged but I knew straight away that she wasn’t his child. My lover has accepted she is his and says he will be there for her if ever she needs him, but that our relationship can never be anything more than it is now. We still see each other a lot through family and friends and I told him the sex needs to stop.
I do not love my husband any more. There is nothing between us. I have tried to leave him but for the children’s sake it is just easier for me not to go. I do not know whether my lover has any real feelings for me. It is all too complicated. I know it ought to stop but I have fallen head over heels for him. What should I do? Thank you Kemi, Festac, Lagos
Dear Kemi,
If he genuinely loved you, he would want both of you to give up your present relationships and be together. That is obviously not going to happen.
That does not mean you should just stay with your husband without trying to put things right. Staying together simply for the children’s sake seldom works well, even for the children, who know deep down there is something wrong. Give your relationship a real chance. Tell your husband that you both need to put more in to it. If this does not work, it would be better to separate amicably rather than hang on to a hollow relationship. Either way your daughter will eventually need to know the truth about her father.
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