Dear Aunty Aurora,
Kindly keep me anonymous. I got married four years ago when I was 25. My husband and I were so in love and my life was just perfect. I was so looking forward to our life together and all the kids we would have but death took all that way from me just two years into our marriage. He died in an accident while coming home from work one night. Since then my life has never been the same. Now I am 29 and my family members have been pushing for me to get married again or at least start a relationship because I am still young. But so far I have found out that it is very difficult for me to move on. Men come around me asking to date me but even after the first date I feel like I am cheating on my late husband. I have tried severally and its still the same result. The guilt I feel each time is so overwhelming that I can’t even pick up calls from other men. A part of me knows that my husband is already gone and I need to move on but its just so hard. I want to live again and pursue all the dreams I had before I got married and I just want to be happy with anyone else I choose to spend my life with, please what should I do?
Getting over the loss of a loved one especially a partner is one of the toughest things anyone can ever experience. Although I can’t say I totally know how you feel but from dealing with my own loss I can tell you that time is what you need the most now. You can’t force yourself to get over someone you once shared your life with but you can definitely work towards learning to live without them one day at a time. You also need to allow yourself grief properly so you can heal properly. I think a part of you still hasn’t come to terms with the fact that your husband is no more, so I think talking to a therapist should help you figure out what exactly is holding you back. Another thing I want you to also consider is if subconsciously you have been comparing your husband to all the new men who come your way. That may be why they don’t appeal to you the way your husband did. If you have been doing this then you need to stop it. It may be nearly impossible to find a man like your husband but there are still several good men out there who will make you happy eventually if you give them a chance. Life is worth living dear, you just need to give yourself another opportunity to enjoy it. I wish you all the best.
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